education

The current issue of Newsweek devotes its cover story to the idea that Kindergarten is the now new First Grade. What I think I’m dealing with regarding K. is that it all has shifted down a notch, and my preschooler is being forced into more academics than I want for her.

Dammit, I don’t want to spend the next 20 years homeschooling my kids. Talk about something that would make me go insane — that much time with my kids?! Yet, I do not like what I see happening in education today, and I don’t want to sacrifice my kids on the altar of high expectations and overachievement.

My mother, an educator from way back, doesn’t think children are biologically even ready to read until age 6 or 7. I think she’s right. I do think the pendulum will swing away from overachieving children at some point, but not in time for my kids. which sucks.

the first day, part deux

I hate preschool. I really hate it. I want to like it. hell, these people are taking K. off my hands. but they’ve only got her for 8 (!!!) hours a week. she was at PMO longer than that — 12 hours/week, often. and they want all these additional/hidden fees. school fundraiser – $25. activity fee that buys her a required book bag (so they all look the same — goddammit I am NOT going to raise a fucking nazi at the ripe old age of FOUR!). these people take themselves waaaaay too seriously. so regimented. so uniform. so un-me. I hate it. I feel over a barrel, though, as they are the closest program around, which is important. location is everything down here, where traffic is king.

I mean, K came home and said her teachers yelled at her about her lunch. apparently since her lunch wasn’t in her backpack, they couldn’t find it. how they missed the pink lunchbox with her name stitched on it in black lettering hanging on the same hook as her backpack, below her name in the hall, I will never know. of course, K. could be exaggerating or flat out lying. but she did say she didn’t even want me to send her a lunch on Thursday. so something went on.

I just hate this. I had hoped to put this kind of shit off until at least kindergarten or first grade. not this year. not now. I just wanted one more year of bliss. of easy going teachers and flexible schedules and so forth. this is too much like school. and these are just little kids. I am not going gently into that good night.

Milk and Cookies

That is the title of the Kindermusik class E is taking this semester. His class starts at 10, which is convenient since I drop K at preschool at 9:30 just down the road. He responded really well to the music. Since we already have this kit (K did this class a couple of years ago), he’s heard all the music. He loves music. I’m so glad I’m doing this with him.

first day

K started her new preschool today. I am so relieved to have her in some kind of structured program. I hope she likes it. She is there from 9:30 until 1:30. It was a little chaotic dropping her off this morning. Lots of parents making over it, calling it the first day of school, that sort of thing. I’m trying not to think of it as school per se. After all, she will be there less time (8 hours a week) than she was at PMO back home (12 hours a week). But this place is much more institutional than the last program we were a part of. What with calling the fees “tuition” and having an “activity fee” and a “school fundraiser” (damn, the hidden charges pile up!) and having a daily schedule and so forth. It’s very organized and school-like. I’m still looking at it as child care, very good child care, but child care nonetheless. So, I resist (and resent) the institutional aspects of it and concentrate on the fact that my child has a safe, healthy, educational place to be twice a week.

new insight

Like I mentioned, I just read Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf. I just cried at parts of it because it was so true. in my own life. She doesn’t say all that I’m about to say, but it is what I am thinking about having read her book. Children are the great unequalizer. I don’t completely believe all the “biology is destiny” viewpoint of social theory, but there is something to that concept when it comes to motherhood. The feminist movement could equalize labor/work and they could equalize all parts of gender dynamics in the classroom, on the soccer field, etc. Except pregnancy. And childbirth. And breastfeeding little kids.

Somehow my generation missed all that. We just figured that everything would now be equal; after all school and sports and activities and jobs were all now equally accessible. We didn’t get the memo that said, “ok we tried. we got jobs to be equal, we even managed to get housework to be equal in some cases, but we can’t equalize children.”

I find this interesting — the new wage gap is NOT between men and women; it is between women without children and women with children. When men and women start out in the work force now, there is very little difference in what they are paid. what happens is that eventually women become mothers. And men do not. Mothers are the ones discriminated against wage-wise.

I think that children impact egalitarian marriages harder because there is more disillusionment that happens. If you are already in a traditional gender-role marriage or already in a marriage with an unequal division of labor or already feel in some sense or are treated in some sense as the “less than” part of the marriage, having children may make that greater, but it is not a new concept being introduced. In an egalitarian marriage, which all of us educated intellectual feminists sought out and worked hard to create, the inequity involved in the having of children is a new thing. It is a greater shift or change in our relationship.

I also am beginning to think that the only way you can have a truly egalitarian relationship with someone is to be in relationship with someone you do NOT have kids with.