coming to grips with the fact

I used to love to cook. I enjoy doing things in the kitchen. I like putting a meal together. Heck, I made all my own baby food when my children were infants. I have lots of great Pampered Chef tools and thing that make cooking fun. But I haven’t cooked much since I’ve been here. I finally am coming to grips with the fact that I hate this kitchen. It is too overwhelming. Too hard to keep organized. Too hard to keep the crap from getting laid on the countertops/island so that I have any room to do anything. And since I can’t move freely through this kitchen, I don’t like cooking in it. Which is part of our money problem. We are spending far too much on food because I don’t like and can’t move comfortably in this cooking space.

more frustrations

I found out that K’s initial allery consult with her new allergist – which is 1.5-2 hours long – is now going to be at the allergy office downtown(!) instead of the one out our way (which is why I chose the practice). I’m pretty pissed off that, with the drive, it will take me nearly 4 hours to do this with her on Friday.

lack of direction

Charlotte doesn’t know what it wants to be: a really large small town or a small big city. It vascilliates between the two, not doing either one very well. It flounders and is full of fits and starts, never really finding an identity. I don’t know if it is from lack of visionary leadership or intentional or what — haven’t lived here long enough to figure it out. After years of living in a well-planned, well-focused, self-confident small town, I am losing patience with the mass of confusion and stupidity that is this city.

progress, such as it is

Trying to organize mothers of small children is like herding cats. it’s so hard. we had our meeting. we got off track and I had to keep us focused. we were watching our kids, too, so naturally we had to police that action which makes things hard, too. we met for nearly 2 hours. not sure what we accomplished in the specifics but we did get some generalizations established. getting the PMO off and running will be hard. but there is real interest and need. we have to deal with capacity and insurance and hiring and so forth. it’s a big undertaking. and of course I want it all done yesterday. anyway, I should feel encouraged but I just feel tired when I think about it. I suppose that I should take comfort in the fact that since it was so hard to have a meeting about starting some child care options is, in itself, proof of just how important and needed this service is and will be.

meeting my own needs

I am trying to start a drop-in child care program at church. There isn’t anything like this anywhere in the immediate area. I want it to be a Parents’ Morning Out program. I want to do this because I need it. Desperately. But the church needs to be doing something with its nice new building anyway. This morning I’m meeting with several mothers at church who also feel this is a real need. I do hope we can get something going.

mornings

I took an Ambien last night. I slept so well I even had dreams. I got over 8 hours of sleep, from around 10:30 or so until 4ish when I nursed E. Then I went back to sleep until around 7. It is truly amazing how much better I feel this morning. I’ve been getting the paper for two of my neighbors this week: the older gentleman next door who is taking chemo. and the couple two doors down and who are on a trip this week and who usually get the other man’s paper for him. This morning as I walked all the way down to the couple’s house I remembered why I like being up early in the morning; it just smells good (even with all the freakin’ traffic along the highway in front of our houses). Mornings feel wonderful. When I was little I always liked getting up early. But as I have grown up and stayed up later (and post-kids, gotten less sleep in general), I wind up spending less time awake in the morning. Anyway, I was reminded that having a good night’s sleep and being able to be awake in the quiet of the morning (as long as I am fully rested) is really a wonderful thing. I love mornings.