We had some church friends over for playing this afternoon and dinner this evening. K was wound up. By the time bedtime had arrived she was very difficult to deal with. Washing her hair was a big production as was which set of pjs she would wear. Brushing her wet hair and her teeth was a nightmare. We just skipped right over the Family Book Time tonight because it was so bad. We got her into bed finally. She started screaming and crying because Daddy wouldn’t tell her a story (he had offered to lie down with her for 6 minutes instead). She was loud. I was afraid she would wake up E, who had just fallen into bed and gone to sleep before his head hit the pillow. It was all I could do not to just haul off and pop her mouth closed. I left the room and composed myself. Then I went back in there and just held her until she stopped screaming. I must have stayed with her 25 minutes or more until she went to sleep. She was probably overstimulated. I think those are some of my hardest moments as a parent. When I want to yell back at her (and believe me, there are more than enough times I do that), when I want to smack that smartass little mouth, but I also have to summon the strength inside me to just hold her tight and love on her until she calms down (which, I’ll admit, I have a much deeper resevoir for when I am well-rested).
I think that all children, all people actually, really need a lot of physical contact and touch. It is calming and comforting. When children are having tantrums, they need attention, but they also need touch. One of the things I have changed about my parenting from when K was a toddler to now, with E, is that I pick him up more in the middle of his screaming fits. I used to just ignore K when she would melt down, walk right over her and leave the room. I didn’t want to feed her attention need. I thought that if I gave into her attention-seeking drama, then she would just use that the next time, and I would be teaching her to throw a fit every time she wanted something. I have no idea what it wound up teaching her. But I know that E responds pretty well to me just dropping everything I’m doing (or wrapping it up quickly) and picking him up and holding him tight. Now he’s a more cuddly kid than K ever thought about being. So that may have something to do with it. He’s very articulate about what he needs from me, too. Like today. He was just beside himself — he was hungry, it was lunchtime, but he shoved his plate of food away, then wanting a snack and then not wanting it in a bowl and then not on that color plate and so forth, the way 2 year olds are apt to do. I gave up on lunch, I gave up on the snack, I tried to get him to lie down in his bed (he popped up from that so fast it caught me off guard), I tried to rock him. He wasn’t having any of this going-to-take-a-nap business. Finally he just threw himself on the futon and said, “I just want you Mommy.” So I picked him up. I tried again to get him to rock or go to bed, but he was insistent on staying in the den. I just held him, breathing in and out and in and out until our breathing was synchronized and he rose and fell on my chest in a smooth and easy rhythm. and in about 10 minutes he was asleep. and a few minutes later he was out enough that I could put him in his bed. Sometimes you just need a mommy (or a warm body) to help you fall asleep.
Posted by journeymom 