mmmmm…cookies

I honestly think one of the best things about being a grownup is getting to bake cookies any time you want. I love warm cookies and cold milk!

at the moment

I’m sick of my life in general. I wish I hadn’t wasted so many years of my life with the whole pregnancy/baby/child thing. Sometimes I think I would have been better off not having kids and just staying overseas. I miss my expat lifestyle, which was now ten years ago. And it is rather pathetic to be missing something that was that long ago. (well, it started 10 years ago; I didn’t fully give it up until I came back to the US to have a child about 7 years ago). I feel like life is passing me by. I think I’m just biding my time until the children are older and then I can do what I want. But then it will be too late. If I think I’m old now, then I will really be too old to get anything done in life. I wish I had any one of 6 or 8 other lives at the moment. There is so much more I could be doing with my life. Instead I’m bargain hunting and stockpiling and plotting ways to sell this stuff at yard sales to make a little money. I could develop my nonprofit more/better and do something with it, but I’m too lazy. I want to go back to school. It’s really too late to get a Ph.D, but I could get a second masters. I’d love one in International Development. I could go work in some small country in the developing world. Oh I want to do that and so much more. But most of all I want to get the heck out of the US for a while. I’ve been stuck here too long.

Life is both sucky and just fine, depends on what day you catch me. I’m trying to decide what I want to do “next.” I’ve always said ministry was my first career, I’m thinking it’s high time to get moving forward on my second (or 5th, but who’s counting) career. I always remember what a colleague said to me once, “do you feel like you are a lay person?” I still don’t feel that way, but I certainly don’t feel much like a minister these days. Hell, I go months without contact with anyone in “the system” other than my own husband. I’m very disconnected and disinterested, long-past feeling disillusioned and now just kinda like, well, that’s the UMC, not really a company I want to work for any more.